Have you ever experienced a sudden dip in your ambition where nothing and no one could hype you up? You're still in your pajamas after noon. You've eaten no vegetables for days. That one project you had finally gained momentum on is suddenly in the corner collecting dust. For one reason or another, surely, we have all been there.
Some stay there for far too long. Some make their address there.
I, personally, could not even begin to attempt to count how many times I have let myself slip into this funk. It's a very dark place. When I'm in it, I cannot imagine myself outside of it, even though I had planty of energy only days before. I prefer darkness to an open window. Thinking about doing simple, necessary tasks like washing my face feels like a burdensome chore.
Most of all, I feel like a gigantic failure.
Now I won't deny that depression is something of an epidemic in the United States (where I live) and that these symptoms I've described sound similar to a serious mental health problem like depression. However, I can guarantee that if I required a mental health specialist, I would have no problem beginning that process. I know myself well enough to know what real depression would look like within me (and we all should know ourselves that well).
Also I am very, VERY well aware of what PMS symptoms look like, and I will admit, hormones play a huge part in my health. PMS is very real and natural (but damn, it sucks).
With all that said, the picture I am trying to paint here is different-- it's very... specific.
Right now, as I type this, I am experiencing this funk. Just two days ago, I felt like I could tackle anything. Now my bedroom is a dark, cold but cozy jail cell from which I never want to leave. I had recently gained so much momentum with my health, my hobbies, my job, the amount of fiber I consumed. What happened?
Here is where I'm realizing that you can still learn a valuable lesson without really having a solution to your problems.
What would be a real game changer in my life right now? What would keep me out of this funk? Very easy answer. Change my habits.
But will that happen overnight? Abso-blooming-lutely not.
Years of unintentional living will not be overturned by merely a few weeks of intentional living. I know exactly what put me in this funk and the solution lies in patience to eventually develop better habits for my health.
The valuable lesson is...
Despite what I have done, or haven't done, I am not a failure.
I am not a failure.
Why? Because I haven't given up.
My dear, discerning readers, you will never be a failure as long as you do not quit.
Just because you are plunged into darkness does not mean you will be there forever. The key is your intention. If your heart is in the right place, and you still believe in your own potential for health and wealth, that means the journey is not finished. It may take longer than you would like, but you will, indeed, find what you are searching for.
You see, I think we all tend to forget that we are human. Contrary to the very poetic, neo-astrological points of view, we are not forces of nature that tear through anything in our paths. We are not animals that function largely on instinct. We have feelings. Very deep feelings. We experience droughts and uncreative plateaus. Once in a while we have to stop, and that is more than OK!
Please believe, I am not giving any of us an excuse to be lazy good-for-nothings. However I am reminding us that we have permission to forgive ourselves. We, as imperfect humans, are allowed to slow down to make climbing the steepest hills a little easier, so we don't have a heart attack before reaching the summit. I will not reach my goals overnight, but taking the time to dissect my bad habits and forgiving myself for not doing it earlier will ultimately help me reach them faster.
A few minutes ago, I was sitting here in the darkness, asking myself all of these existential questions. I was internally berating myself for allowing myself to be here. I felt I had reached failure status once more. But all of a sudden, I went deeper. I asked myself the most important question of all. Am I going to give up?
Again, very easy question. The answer is no.
Because I know my heart. I know my intention. I know I have come way too far to give up now.
My brother often tells me that I am a champion as a sort of uplifting affirmation, which I like to believe about myself. Well, what makes a real champion? A winner who trained long and hard. We can all be champions, and we can all be champions who are human. No longer do I have to beat myself up for taking a break. That's what I hope we all stop doing. Let's accept who God made us to be, how He made us to function, without forgetting that the journey isn't over yet.
So, the next time you find yourself in this dark place, do not label yourself a failure. Take a piece of wisdom from a recently released animated film (that I enjoyed much more than I thought I would, frankly) and do the next right thing. Personally, I think the first right thing to do is to forgive yourself. ♢
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